Tom Bailey: Hello and welcome to the Flow and Grow Expert Interviews. The placed for experts and entrepreneurs who want high value ideas to boost business results.
I'm Tom Bailey. And in this episode, I'll be interviewing the super successful serial entrepreneur, Jill Stanton. Who's the co-founder of Screw the Nine to Five. So let's get started. Okay, great. So, Jill, again, thanks so much for joining us on this call. It's going to be a great conversation. I know that our backgrounds are very similar in terms of where we've come from.
So I guess, first of all could you just give me a little bit of background about screw the nine to five so we can all understand the company and where you come from.
Jill Stanton: Yeah. So I'm currently in Canada, but not because I want it. We'll be here just cause the world's close. But my husband and I started the nine to five just over seven years ago on a balcony and Costa Rica right before our wedding week.n a balcony in Costa Rica. In:
And then it really launched while we were in Thailand. So we've kind of bopped all over the world. We're big proponents of helping entrepreneurs up and coming entrepreneurs create freedom. And the the screw brand like Screw the Nine to Five in general. Really hones in, on helping online course creators and coaches dial in their programs, create bad-ass ways of selling them so that they can get their business across the a hundred thousand dollars a year threshold.
And so that they can go on and create success and impact and freedom and all the options that they could possibly want.
Tom Bailey: Excellent. Perfect. Thanks very much. And we're going to be talking a lot about confidence, public speaking, presentation skills today, and, and this is such a powerful skill for entrepreneurs and coaches and, you know, start up business owners to have.
But I guess my background is that I'd always had always had this crippling fear, public speaking, you know, held me back in school, held me back in university, held me back in my early career relationships, you know, real big stumbling block for me. So I guess. Just thinking back to where you started.
Did you have any struggles or anxieties or fears when it came to public speaking?
Jill Stanton: All of them. And it's so funny because I grew up wanting to be a TV host. Right. So my background before I started Screw the Nine to Five with my hubby was in TV, broadcasting and modeling. And so you wouldn't think I'd be scared of public speaking, right?
Cause I was able to riff on the spot. And I was like an in game host for one of the major league baseball teams, the Blue Jays here in Toronto. And so I had to constantly be on, on the jumbotron, like delivering lines. And so you wouldn't think that I would have a fear of public speaking, but Oh my God, it tripped me up so hard.
When, when I finally went and started this business with Josh and I remember one time we were speaking at an event in Bangkok, Bangkok, Thailand called DCBKK dynamite circle, Bangkok. And I did the speech was seven minutes, right? It was one of their lightning talks and. I did not sleep the night before, scared for a seven minute talk.
And I finally woke Josh up at like four 30 in the morning. It was like panic attack. I just don't know how we're like, what happens if I forget what I'm going to say? And he was like, why would you wait to deal with this with you? But I just was so scared about forgetting my lines or stumbling on stage or having the audience think, I didn't know as much as I think I did or call me out or just like any of the things that we all stress ourselves out about when it comes to public speaking.
And what's funny is like, I literally almost cried going up on stage. Cause I was like, here I am walking to my death essentially. And it was so fun. Once I finally got off stage, I was just like, I want to do more of that. And then as I started getting more opportunities, I was like, the exact same pattern happened.
Like, I'd be like, why do I keep saying yes to this? I hate it. I would stress myself out. I would just be in this loop of anxiety and fear. What happens if I forget what I'm going to say? What happens if I like pee my pants on stage? What happens if I fall? What happens if I swear too much? Which probably is always going to happen.
I'm a big square. But like, I would just always stress myself out with the what ifs. Yeah. And I never knew how to release a lot of that and get present and just be in the moment with people. And I realized as I started to work through this with previous speaking coaches a lot of my anxiety stemmed from wanting to control the outcome and making it about me.
My, my performance, my presentation, not what the audience was experiencing or how they felt or what I was there to deliver for them. And once I made that shift and started putting it all about making it all about them, things really started to calm down for me because I realized that they don't know what I'm going to say.
Right. Yeah, only. I know what I like. So I'm a memorizer. I currently memorize all my speeches that I care, which is not ideal. I would love to get away from that. I would love to not do that. But even my most recent keynote, which was before the world shut down I practice that thing two to three times a day, every day.
For three and a half weeks before, and I still was stressed out beforehand. And I remember it was like my nightmare situation because all the AB went out and it kept cutting out as I was delivering my, my talk. So it would throw me off. And then finally, I just went with it and I was just like, screw it.
And it had like a huge bang where the. Where the audio cut out. And it was right as I was delivering like an impactful point. And so I was just like, I'm just going to roll with it. And I was like, yes. And I still have my foot. And I was like, that's what I'm talking about. And I just got into the moment and I just felt so much magic at that point because I was finally present to it all.
And I realized, Oh, That's what it's all about being in the moment and not trying to control all the, what ifs or all the potential outcomes that could happen. Just focusing on what I want, what I want to say, what I want to get across and then showing up and serving in the best way. I know how for everyone who's in the audience, once they make that switch things, start to calm down.
Tom Bailey: Excellent. Thank you very much for that. And that's very in line with my journey and also all the clients I'm currently working with 63 speaking. So, and there's two things that always come up. It's either fear or limiting beliefs and fears. One of the biggest ones, you know, what's the tech cuts out. What if they don't believe me?
What if I forget my lions? And then the limited belief side, it's always, typically what comes up is I'm not good enough. And I've got the credibility, the imposter syndrome. It just keeps going up and up again in our heads. But then, yeah, as soon as like doll switches changes, everything.
Jill Stanton: It's so true.
And I would say the impostor syndrome one was my biggest, like bear to get rid of, because I was always, especially when you speak at industry events like, Oh man, those are almost the worst because you're like, Oh my God, there's definitely people in this audience who know more than I do, or why am I up here?
And they're not, or, you know, you just get in your head. Are they gonna call me out? Am I going to look like a fraud? Am I going to like, not look like, I know what I'm talking about. And it can really mess with you, right. But again, tapping into that, I'm here to serve them and they don't know what I'm going to say.
And so they won't know if I forget my lines or if I skip a point or anything like that. And then just showing up and being present with them, bringing one of my favorite sayings. It's from Jesse Itzler, who is the serial entrepreneur, but he's also married to Sara Blakely from Spanx and his one mantra I love is be where your feet are.
And like there's so much magic in the present. So many of us miss out on that magic because we're too busy worrying about like, what happens if, or, Oh my God, I can't believe. I just said that everyone's, everyone's judging me right now, but if you can just be where your feet are and you can just be in the moment with people.
Man magic happens.
Tom Bailey: Yeah. I love that. Excellent. And so quick question. So have there been any situations whereby this, this, I guess, fear or anxiety around speaking has stopped you from saying yes to something you've missed out on opportunities? For sure.
Jill Stanton: Yeah, for sure. First I've never put myself. Out there to actually speak at an event.
Like I've never pitched myself, even, even for the ones that I've wanted to speak at, like, it would be such a dream to speak at like rise business. Like Rachel Hollis is business conference. Am I ever going to pitch myself for that? Maybe down the line, but currently. Yeah, no, not yet. And so I've definitely missed out on opportunities just because I've been too scared to put myself out there.
Or just worrying, like maybe, you know, I'm not big enough yet, or I don't know enough yet, or I don't have enough credit yet, even though I've been an entrepreneur for over 10 years, but most certainly those fears or those limiting beliefs, those stories I tell myself about myself have stopped me from going after some bigger speaking opportunities for sure.
Tom Bailey: And that can come up in a lot smaller scale. So those people who want speakers and entrepreneurs out there, even, you know, not saying yes to job interviews, not saying yes to conversations, not saying promotions. Yeah. There's so many different things that these limitations we have just stop us in reaching out for these opportunities.
Jill Stanton: Even been going up to someone that you want to get to know, you know, like making connections or like approaching some hot. Chick or dude in the bar, you know, like, cause you just freeze up and you're like, I don't know what to say. So I just won't say anything. Those, those cause you to miss out on the magic of life.
Tom Bailey: Yeah, definitely good. And so this current situation, the current pandemic we're in obviously stage speaking has declined significantly and I know that social media is really the new stage. So you know, we both speak to entrepreneurs. We go speak to small business owners.
Jill Stanton: Well, I would challenge that social media is the new stage.
I that's only because I have a love, hate relationship with social media. I would say that virtual events and podcasts are the, are the newest stages, right? Cause social media, like, I don't think social media is there to work for you. I think it's there for you to work for it. But podcast interviews, where people are actually tuning in to hear you or virtual events, like those just have so much.
Magic to them, empowered to them and influence and persuasion because people are actually tuning in to hear you versus like, Oh yeah, double tap. Yeah. Double tap. You know what I mean? Like it's not as powerful as people who are opting in to hear you.
Tom Bailey: Yeah. Yeah. Got it. And, but we do see a lot of for example, Facebook, a lot of Facebook lives happening now, whereby people, entrepreneurs are really getting their voice out there on video.
And, actually video is a big challenge for a lot of entrepreneurs. You've got this fear of public speaking because it's not just speaking for the 10 people you can see in front of you it's that it could be 20,000 people watching this video.
Jill Stanton: but that's even speaks to the whole, like, anxiety about wondering about the, what ifs, what happens if you just focus on like the camera.
Yeah, right. Like, I actually feel like that's the least stressful thing to do is just like, I'm just going to talk like the camera's my best friend. Right? Cause a lot of us want to look down here and like look at ourselves and how we look. But if you just look at the camera, like they're your best buddy?
All of a sudden the dynamic changes and you stop worrying about, Oh my God, who who's watching, what are they thinking? What am I saying? Oh my God, I want to stop. So just, I I've always felt like if you could just focus on the camera, being your best friend and like how you would talk to that person. Now, if you're like me, our brand voice is very like conversations.
Like you're having a chat with your best friend, but you've had a few drinks, so it's a bit, it's a bit sassy. So I think it's just about developing your style, but yeah. Again, if you could just look into the lens of a camera, like it's like, you're looking at your best friend. I feel like it helps all the anxiety start to kind of ease away.
Tom Bailey: Do you have any advice around camera? So, and like yourself with scripts, a lot of people like to memorize a script when it comes to speaking on stage and that's typically due to the want to be perfect. So when you speak on camera, you're looking right into that lens. Clearly you can't have a script. What advice would you give to somebody who, who wants to speak naturally?
Whilst trying to remember if they wanted to say.
Jill Stanton: Be prepared, right? Like, absolutely. Yeah. Oh, prepare your competition. Right? Like when I go to do any of my coaching, like when we have our bootcamps and I do my live mindset coaching, I look at the camera, but I still have my notes because I still think you can like look around and gesture and all that.
Like, I use those opportunities. So if I'm talking about like, you know, it's me and Tom here talking about blah, blah, blah. You know, I just did a quick glance away to like check my points. You don't have to be like, Hello. My name is Jill Stanton and welcome to the course creators bootcamp. Today, we are talking about mindset, you know, it's just like, Hey, I'm Jill Stanton.
Welcome to the course creators bootcamp today. We're talking about mindset, you know, so you just do quick glances and bullet points will be your best friend, but prepare, do a read through. Do a practice run. Like don't just go in cold. You'll sweat through your clothes. You'll just freak yourself way out.
And when you have that bad of an experience, you won't want to do it again. And so just do a couple of practice runs, have your bullets and know that you can reference things as you go. And no, one's going to be like, Oh my God, I can't believe you're looking at your notes. Yeah. And it was just like, whatever, whatever.
Tom Bailey: Exactly. And like you say, In conversations, I context great. But you don't want to be staring at somebody a hundred percent of the time. You didn't actually look away, you look up, you look down. So just a little glance away.
Jill Stanton: Yeah. You just be natural, right? Like if there's two of you, you just like. Take a beat.
Look at them, look back at the camera. You know, like if you even watch some of the best presenters on TV, you'll notice how they referenced things. Like, yes, they're reading teleprompters, but when, I mean, I mean, when they're live and whatnot, you're referencing each other. They're like thinking about their points and moving around, like speak how you naturally would to someone who's your best buddy.
And that'll just come naturally with practice, right? Like I was not this comfortable on camera or speaking in public or doing any of the things I do. From day one, I've been at this for years, you know? So just being kind to ourselves as well and giving ourselves a break and realizing that if you just keep showing up, it gets easier.
Just like everything, every skill that you build will always be hard in the beginning and easier. The more you do it.
Tom Bailey: it comes down to progress is more important than perfect. And yes, a lot of people want to be perfect from day one, but as long as you were better than you were yesterday.
Jill Stanton: And who even vibes with perfect.
Like no one, no one really wants perfect. What you want. What people really want is resonance, not perfection because perfection is unattainable. It makes people feel like shit about themselves. What they want is resonance someone that they get someone that they vibe with. Someone that they can relate to someone that they can understand.
That's what it's about. Not perfection.
Tom Bailey: Excellent. Great. So last question then just to wrap this up a second. So we both speak to entrepreneurs and business owners. So why do you think it's so important for entrepreneurs to learn to speak with confidence?
Jill Stanton: Because communication is one of our biggest assets, right?
We entrepreneurs, we create the world. Right. And we need to have a clear, concise, and compelling way to share our ideas, our opinions, what we want to create in the world. We create the uncreated and if we can't properly convey our dreams or goals or aspirations or who we help. It's going to fall on deaf ears.
And so I think that one of the best things an entrepreneur could do is develop the art of speaking the art of communication and doing it in a way that is engaging and fun and, and unique and natural. And what's the word I'm looking for? Like, Really just yourself, right? Yes. Yeah. A hundred percent.
Tom Bailey: Good. Excellent. Well, hopefully this has been very helpful for lots of entrepreneurs out there. I'm sure it has been it's been great talking with you today again and I wish you all the best and I'll hopefully catch up with you again soon.
Jill Stanton: Absolutely. Thank you for having me.